CHILDREN

‘Rhonda’ - A True Story

Once upon a time........ As a lil girl I remember having 2 step brothers and 1 step sister. I remember a mother who hated them, 'cause they weren't hers.

I remember them hating the lil girl because sometimes the step mother treated her different, she beat them all in turn, and I'm talking BEAT, as in what ever she got her hands on til they were peeing in their pants or bruised, or bleeding.

I remember going to the store with this mother and her gettin' caught stealing food and blaming it on her children; and them getting smacked all the way to the car.

I remember thinking why don't we tell someone and being affraid of not seeing another sunrise.

I remember her sitting on me, choking me, beating my head against the floor, because I had broke the drier door.

I remember being 7 that horrible day.

I remember being sexualy abused by my oldest brother and him making everyone do it so if anyone told he could say but they did it too. So we would all be in trouble.

I remember sneaking out at nite for food, because we were so hungry our stomachs kept us awake.

I remember not hearing I love you even from my dad.

I remember being tied in a closet 'til just before mom got home because my brother thought it was fitting punishment for saying I was gonna tell mom. I don't remember how long it was that time.

I remember my little brother (16 months old) hittin' one of my brothers in the head with a hammer and him crying and my mother hitting him with a wooden bat telling him to shut up before he got more.

I remember never owning a toothbrush. Never going to the doctor when I was sick.

I remember sore throats so bad I wished I'd die but still never going to the doctor, 'til my tonsils burst in my mouth.

I remember thinking one day maybe mom would die and then it would all be over, and then thinking but who would take care of us if she did.

I remember feeling bad for thinking this.

I remember being hit in the head with an iron, 'cause it was what was convient.

I remember flinching everytime a teacher tried to hug me for doing a good job.

I remember thinking isn't there anyone out there who can love me. Then meeting someone I thought would love me and not seeing the devil lying beneath his surface.

The little girl went from bad to worse.. She was just a kid still when she got married the first time - 16 - but was so happy to get away from it all. 'til she picked her broken body up the first time and thought man, and I thought growing up was hell.

Why do I tell you this story? The abuse has to stop. Why at 36 can't this little girl let it go? Because she is still that little girl inside wanting to be loved, Because she still yearns to hear 3 little words from a mother who can't feel, I love you too mommy!

Think of this little girl the next time your child overwhelms you with a broken vase or lamp, or curfew.

Why do I know this little girl so much? Because its me. I've been there. I know more than most will ever know about abuse, and I don't want to EVER see another child go with out love!!!

Stop the violence, stop the abuse. I've still got alot of unresolved issues, don't let your child be like this little girl who still wishes mommy would say I love you, and hug me! ”

It's not always best to report abuse cases, but it's better than doing nothing. Turning a deaf ear and blind eye to a situation only contributes to it.

In my opinion, it's very important to confront the abuser with their actions.

I remember as a very young adult, while renting the basement suite of a house owned by a single mother (raising her brother's 3 children as well as her own 3) I would hear screaming and yelling coming from above. I'd also hear furniture moving, loud thumps, crying, and on ocasion I would actually see the woman striking the children with her broom handle and grabbing the kids by the hair and dragging them across the floor in total rage.

This woman was a wonderful person! The most caring and giving woman I'd ever met outside of my own mother. But, like so many of us, her personal resources (patience, tolerance) were stretched to the limit and had actually snapped. Is this an excuse for what she was doing? No. But we've all been to that point at some time in our lives and had to make crucial decisions. She was making the wrong ones.

Not knowing exactly what to do, I called the Abuse center, told them what was happening, without giving them any personal information, and they took the initiative to confront her. They called this woman for an appointment and made a visit.

The phone call from this agency was all she really needed to bring her back to her senses. She didn't realize what she was doing and it took confrontation to jolt her back to reality.

Did she raise her voice with the kids again? Of course. But to my knowledge she never lost her self-control again.

I lived in that suite for 3 years after this incident, and never once did I hear those awful sounds again. She was happier, the kids were happier... and have grown up to be wonderful, caring people.

Unfortunately, many of these stories don't end up as well. But, in my opinion, in most cases that don't, if someone had taken the bull by the horns and confronted the abuser in the beginning, many of them would.

Never confront someone who is in a fit of rage alone and never, never judge them. It could be you or me.

AlbertaRose would like to thank The National Network for Child Care, Journey In Time for Monday's Child Images