JOB-HUNTING MATERIALS - PREPARE YOUR RESUME
Would you like to make an unforgettable impression at holiday parties?
Here are some tactics guaranteed to make you stand out in the crowd. But be warned: if you do these things the impression you'll create won't be a good one!
First, make sure you loosen up by having several drinks during the party. In case the host doesn't supply alcohol, put a mickey of rum into your pocket or purse before the party so you'll have a steady supply on hand. Even better, have a few drinks before you get to the party so you'll already be in a jovial mood when you get there.
On the way to the party ask your cab driver if he's heard any good X-rated jokes lately so you'll have something to share with your boss, clients, and new acquaintances.
Arrive empty-handed. After all, the hostess should be glad just to have you brightening up her party with your presence.
If you are attending a company Christmas party and want to be noticed by executives, be sure to wear your sexiest outfit and splash on so much perfume or cologne that they can smell you coming.
To be a good conversationalist, have lots of funny stories ready in addition to any jokes you heard from the cab driver. For example, tell the boss about the time you photocopied your body parts because you were bored at work.
Forget people's names 5 seconds after you are introduced. Refer to them as "buddy," "blondie," "baldy" or "sweet cheeks."
If someone tries to carry on a conversation with you, let your eyes glaze over and look around the room for someone more interesting to talk to.
No matter what someone tells you, reply "that's nothing, you should hear what happened to me." Then discuss your personal problems, especially any medical conditions, in great detail.
If you're meeting someone new and they tell you what they do for a living, it can be funny to put them down, especially if other people are listening. For example, if someone tells you they own a consulting company, ask them if it's hard to work alone out of their basement.
If the person you're speaking with replies that they work in an office (or anywhere else), immediately launch into a sales pitch for whatever products or services your company offers. Talk like a robot repeating a line you have rehearsed. Practice saying: "have you considered how useful it would be to your company if you had X (insert your company's product or service)?"
If you've had so many drinks you forget what your company sells, tell people you'd like to interest them in a network marketing or investment opportunity. Ask if their life insurance is up to date, then laugh at whatever they say.
Put your business card into one of their pockets and insist they give you their business card in return. Tell them you'd like to call them at work, at home, and on their cell phone, and that you plan to email them, instant message them, and show up in person at their office.
Carry around a sprig of mistletoe and try to get a big sloppy kiss from every attractive person at the party. But don't worry about discriminating. After you've had a few drinks, everyone will look attractive to you, especially your boss's spouse.
To make an impression at the buffet table, try to bring out your inner teenager. When you see a food you don't recognize say, "Ewwww... that looks gross." If you take a bite of something you don't like, make gagging noises.
If you see someone eyeing the last remaining hors d'oeuvres, grab it as quickly as you can. If you repeatedly double dip your chips or veggies, chances are the other party-goers will let you have the dip to yourself.
Sit in a corner with a friend, whispering loudly, pointing at other party-goers, then laughing. If you don't have any friends to gossip with, start singing karaoke, even if there's no karaoke machine. Keep going for at least six songs.
Finally, don't send the hostess a thank you note. After all, shouldn't she be thanking you for making her dull party so much fun?
Yes, networking the wrong way can definitely make you stand out in the crowd. However, we hope that this holiday season you'll avoid these mistakes and everyone's memories of you will be merry ones.
by Tag and Catherine Goulet:
FabJob.com is featured in Woman's World Magazine ("Land Your Dream Job" article, April 2007).
FabJob Guides have been featured in stories at The Wall Street Journal and Entrepreneur Magazine sites.